Monday, April 3, my childhood friend, Becky Birdsong Monk, lost her 7-year battle with breast cancer. Becky was my friend since at least first grade, and maybe even earlier. But I first remember her from first grade, when she and I shared a playground, if not a classroom. Through the years, we became good friends, not only at school, but at my grandparents' farm (later ours), where our property and her parents' shared a fence, we rode horses together, and we rode my grandmother's school bus with her siblings and mine. We shared church experiences and our faith. We shared high school, telephone conversations, and later on, times together with our spouses.Becky was my "go-to girl." In 5th or 6th grade, she quietly whispered to me one Sunday night at church that we were now too old to hold hands like young girls do. In junior high, when I was bemoaning the loss of a boyfriend, she told me the quickest way to forget him was to find another! She served cake at our wedding reception. I attended her wedding the next summer. Another classmate and I patted her stomach and listened to her soon-to-be-born son, Brent, kick... a thrill for us not-yet twenty-somethings! Greg and I traveled to Fayetteville to Razorback games with Becky and Jerry, and I think some in Little Rock, as well. When we lived in Heber Springs in the late 70's, Greg and Becky's husband, Jerry, were in Jaycees together, so we attended many events with them.
When Becky learned she had breast cancer several years ago, she attacked the situation with her ever-present stoicism. She worked through it -- almost literally. She endured chemo, hair loss, and who knows what else. But she never complained. I called her one day while she was in her first round of chemo, and she matter-of-factly told me that, despite cutting her hair short, it was falling out in chunks, so she had just had one of her boys shave her head! She said, "Oh, sometimes I wear a do-rag, but it's so hot that around the house I just let it go!" That was Becky! When my dad died in 1999, Becky attended the funeral with her parents, and after the death of my brother and my dad, she called me to see what I needed... and just to let me know, as only Becky could, that she was available to talk, listen, or whatever. That she came to Daddy's funeral while so sick herself truly moved me.
Becky didn't quite make the "5-year mark" cancer free before hers returned... in her bones. I remember her telling me how she went to her oncologist for an MRI, and he asked her, "Why are you here?" She told him he had scheduled the appointment, and he was baffled... he said he never scheduled an MRI at that point in time for someone doing so well. However, it turned out that the MRI showed the cancer had returned. He told her he KNEW why she was there. I'm so thankful that Becky had Christian doctors.
The last three years, Becky has endured chemo treatment after chemo treatment, and radiation, hair loss more than once, and undoubtedly much other cruel suffering. But ask her how she was, and she would always say, "I'm fine." She might tell you she'd be on chemo the rest of her life, but that was about it. Last spring, we began thinking about a 30-year high school class reunion. Becky and I were talking about the plans, and she told me that the cancer had gone to her brain, and while she wanted to help with the reunion plans, she wasn't sure how she would feel. We agreed that she would be on "standby" and others of us would do the legwork. Summer 2005 brought many stumbling blocks for us, including the death of our class president and our beloved friend, Shaun Bailey, in June... he fell dead of a heart attack...and then there was Becky's decline. So, we regrouped, aimed for our reunion to coincide with a schoolwide class reunion of "oldtimers!" and made plans to meet with them in October for a banquet. Becky was there... but she was so dizzy she could barely stand.
Christmas brought a reprieve for Becky, and surprisingly, she was some better, though still on chemo, of course. I talked with her sometime in February, and she told me "my body is just shot from all the chemo." I last talked with her about 3 weeks ago, and she was battling a cold, still taking chemo, and still her usual positive self. She was still upbeat, and still working. In fact, last Friday, Becky went to work and prepared the payroll! Saturday evening, she entered the hospital, and Monday morning, she died.
Becky told me once that she had numerous people try to "help" her with her cancer, but that she was an intelligent woman with good doctors, and she felt she was getting the right treatment for her situation. We also talked about the end, and how she would know when it was time to stop trying for a cure. She also assured me over and over again in conversations that we should not worry about her -- that she knew she was heaven bound! She did worry for her family and their grief and loss, but she knew that God would take care of them. One day she told me, "you know, I could ask 'why me?' but I just have to say, 'why NOT me?'" That was Becky!
The funeral was April 5 at the First Baptist Church. The crowd was so massive that people stood around the interior perimeter of the large sanctuary. I have never seen so many flowers for a funeral -- the dais was literally layered in sprays and arrangements of fresh flowers. The music included congregational singing of "It Is Well With My Soul" and "Oh, How I Love Jesus." Becky's pastor, J.R. DeBusk, a lifelong friend, preached from Isaiah 43:1-7... a passage Becky had requested. His theme was centered on 6 words from that passage that applied to Becky... "But now, fear not, I am." It was very uplifting, encouraging, and Spirit-filled, and Becky was greatly honored by the message and testimony to her life.
Becky leaves a legacy of faith and courage that will be hard to equal. But we can strive... every day... to live our lives in ways that glorify God and give witness to others of His mighty grace, mercy, and comfort. He truly did meet her needs, and I know that she is now healthy, whole, and dancing in heaven... and I know our next "reunion" will be truly glorious!
